Fluidity: Celery Decides To Identify As Neither Fruit Nor Vegetable

By Polly Spain, May 18th 2017

After years of facing internal struggle, Celery recently decided to part ways with it’s vegetable identity. “It’s just not useful anymore. I don’t want to grouped with other species of plants. I want to be my own organism.” 


The revelation came shortly after the restructuring of whole foods produce section. A shopper mistakened the former vegetable for iceberg lettuce, sparking what Celery calls an “insecurity.” Celery no longer wanted to feel the oppression arising from grouping similar produce at the grocery store. Soon after the event, Celery took it into it’s hands to make a change. “I want to call for autonomy for produce all around the globe. You are more than your scientific classification.”

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