Feeling Irrelevant Lately? Don't Forget To Remind People Why You Hate Vegans
Written By Polly Spain
Have you ever sat in a circle of people, but felt invisible? Maybe everyone around you is chatting about politics and entertainment, and you can’t seem to get a word in. There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling left out of a conversation. Sometimes all you need is an easy icebreaker to get you back in the game.
Fortunately for you, there’s a topic that every group loves to pass judgement on. All you have to do is bring up vegans.
Make sure to hit all of the main points:
1. They’re all hypocrites. Plants cry too.
2. What kind of psychopath wants to prolong their lifespan?
3. Today a strangers lunch ruined my happiness.
Instead of owning your love of beef, just shit all over people who love eating plants. It’s the fastest way to make a friend. Trust me, it’s far easier and funnier to act spiteful than to open yourself up to a new way of thinking. It’s true, there are vegans who will pass judgement and make you feel like a terrible person. But what better way to beat a judgemental asshole, than by being a judgemental asshole! You’ll be the new life of the party.
If that doesn’t work, just rant about how you hate people who hate vegans. That’ll do the trick.