By Polly Spain, May 18th 2017
How To Get Your Boyfriend To Stop Asking For Handjobs
Anyone who has been in a relationship with a man can relate to the trials and tribulations of being asked for a handjob. Unfortunately, most people are just never in the mood, and making up excuses for why you “can’t” give him a tug is mentally exhausting. Unless youre willing to break your own wrist, avoiding a handjob can feel impossible. Luckily for you, we have developed the perfect formula to make sure your boyfriend fucks off.
1. Remember to refer to his penis as, “Cute lil skin loaf.”
2. Make gagging noises every time you make eye contact with it’s head.
3. Pretend youre milking a cow. Call him Big Bertha.
4. When he says he’s “going to come,” direct his weiner towards his face.
5. Tug on his foreskin like silly putty. No Foreskin? Tell him youre fucking his brother.